MG - AP on the scene
At approximately four o'clock on Friday afternoon an unidentified cargo plane crashed on Spanish Banks beach in Vancouver. Local academic Stephen N. was the first on the scene; "I feel privileged merely to witness this calamitous cataclysm, and assure you that I will forever keep the memory of this event as an important factor weighing in all my daily decisional algorithms" commented the UBC postcolonialism expert. Visiting dogwalkers Shareen and Kylie, emboldened by the sturdy police safety barrier, approached for a better view just in time to receive the full concussive power of a load of fertilizer (possibly destined for nearby Chilliwack grow ops) that had been soaked in jet fuel and ignited by the pilot's still functioning cellular phone. Although no one was seriously injured in this freak occurance, there was one loss that would cool the lattes of west coast hipsters on both sides of the Straight of Georgia. "It's absolutely ruined!" opined Shareen, an admirer of Lulu Lemon's impressive stretchiness and fitness assuring minimalist logo, regarding her all weather stylish streetwear Lulu jacket. "I mean, how can I hope to fully align my shakras and embody the confidence needed to be the best me I can be if there's two holes the size of a loony in the hem of my freakin' jacket? Hello? Look at this! They're not even symmetrical!"
7 comments:
I'm still upset about the jacket and am working on a new plan to align my shakras. Suggestions welcome. I can't believe it burned thought the all-weather fabric and yet your dog's fur is fine. Typical.
that is indeed a tragedy. Know what's more of a tragedy? that i didn't get to meet shareen when she was here on my own turf :(
yes Shelley, that is a tragedy, I even complained about it to Marc and Kylie. But apparently you and "Fraser" were "too busy" going to a "jazz concert". I have decided it was your fault my jacket was ruined, you have thrown off my shakras and now I will never be in perfect allignment with the universe. Thanks a lot.
oh no! what have i done?!
i did not know that you would be there. Yes, fraser and i had reservations at the jazz cellar that night. But next time you're in vancouver, TELL ME.
Any jacket named Lulu Lemon deserves to be destroyed. Lulu Lemon sounds like it should be Paris Hilton's dog.
Love Dad-Greg
Greg, that's harsh. And that's not the NAME of my jacket, it's the brand. I should name her though...she's worth it.
Alas, I must confess, there was an error in the reporting--the jacket was not ruined. It just got a little dirty from the debris.
i'm sorry shareen. all my quotations are duly referenced and recorded. it was you, not shelley, that decided to walk up to that barrier and it was you that detailed the degree of damage to your jacket. the actual physical state of the jacket in question does not enter into it. AP on the scene reported the jacket as ruined and thus it has become a ruined jacket in the conciousness of all who learned of its demise. objective evidence is meaningless in the face of mass consensus. there is no reality beyond that which our concious experience produces.
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